a look at: BEATING HEART

2015 was a crazy year for more that one reason. To start off, a relationship I'd been in for several years ended and I moved off the pot farm, where I'd been happily sequestered for years, growing dank weed and living it up in my studio. I temporarily moved in with my mom, on my way -- or so I thought -- to start a new life in Santa Rosa. But the first week I was back home with mom, we all found out my step-dad had stage 4 [insert c-word here], and only had a few months to live.

This wasn't only news to me and my siblings. It was news to my mom and step-dad, too. We all found out together over a speaker phone call with his doctor that the PET scans came back and his stomach pain wasn't really c-diff, as previously misdiagnosed. In fact, he was dying.

The whole vibe of the house changed in an instant. It was like the color instantly drained out of everything. The frequency shift was sudden and startling, towards darker realms where deep disappointment reigns, nothing works out, and happiness turns to barren hopelessness.

I didn't go to Santa Rosa. I stayed there and helped keep a sense of family intact. But it was some seriously heavy energy to work through. I arranged my energy field as a purification matrix, hoping to filter the heavy energy of the house through the light codes of my consciousness.

There were good days and bad days (and worse days, and downright awful days) but I was inspired by the love I witnessed between my mom and step-dad during these times.

At the end, he died with all of us around him. And I DJ'ed his death. As he crossed over, I was playing telephone Line by ELO, one of his (and one of my) favorite songs of all time. The lyrics so poignantly aligned with the event, it felt supernatural and inspired to all of us, the way the timing worked so perfectly that his soul literally left in the middle of that song.

There was a tangible feeling of him exiting his body. You could literally feel him leave. It was one of the most profound and powerful shared experiences I've ever had with my family. And it reinforced everyone's faith in life after death, as we had planned together prior to his passing and assigned him "tasks" to do in a disembodied state if, in fact, he was still here and able to communicate. And he did these things. Many things. Things I will at some point write about in detail, but a quick example is this:

In this incarnation as Grady, he was a master electrician. So he agreed, while still alive, that if he was able to communicate after death, he would do something with the electricity. The next morning, all the lights in the kitchen started flashing on and off. We were like omg but my brother said maybe that's just a coincidence. But then the whole power to the house went out and came back on, twice. ...... things like that. Lots of things like that.

Anyway....

In the weeks that followed, I wrote this song, from the perspective of my mother. I channeled her pain and transmuted what I could thru music.

I used the Juno60 and the Analogue Solutions TMK, Nyborg and Leipzig with just a little hint of Omnisphere.